Give The Power Back

Did you take her power? 

Power is often offered to you in very subtle ways so you sometimes don’t even realise it’s being offered. 

Think back to different work situations, and to times when you’ve been travelling… consider, have you been in situations where the power dynamics might have contributed to someone offering their power to you and, inadvertently, without thinking, accidentally perhaps, you took it?

What do I mean?

Well, as an example, I was visiting the homes of a group of sex workers, in an area of Phnom Penh, Cambodia. We were there to give the women soap and condoms - and by doing so each month we could learn when underage girls came from the countryside to engage in sex work.

 We sat in a circle on a mat, covering what little floorboards there were, stopping us from falling through into the dirty stagnant lake water below.

When the team had finished their conversation with these women, they turned to me, the visitor, and asked if I had any questions.  

This was the moment. 

And it almost passed without me realising. 

Cambodia is a polite culture, and, as the foreigner, you’ll always be asked if you have any questions. 

Very subtly, I was being offered the power by these women. As someone who can afford air travel, I was deemed rich, and, as such, more knowledgeable and more deserving of their respect than they of mine! 

I was able to pause, long enough to realise, and hand the power back to them.

I was acutely aware that I had been welcomed into these women’s homes, complete with mothers breastfeeding, children playing, and pimps standing in the doorway.

Instead, I handed the power back to these women by asking whether they had any questions they’d like to ask me first.

They did.

What country was I from?

Was it very different to Cambodia?

Did women do sex work in Australia?

In Australia, did men sometimes trick women, and pretend there was only one man but when the woman got inside the room, there were actually three men waiting and they beat her up and raped her, because it had just happened to her and she was angry and upset?

I learnt more from their questions than I could have by asking any questions of my own.

So, when someone offers you their power, don’t take it.

Run each decision through the question: is this empowering or disempowering him/her?

Power is usually offered to you in very subtle ways so you don’t even realise it’s being offered. Pause. Hand the power back to them. Ask instead if they have any questions they’d like to ask you. After you’ve answered their questions, by all means, ask away.

Nicky Mih believes in our capacity to live and lead differently. Her book Do What Matters: what leading a child protection organisation in Cambodia taught me about life and leadership is an Amazon #1 best seller in the categories of Business Ethics and Business Leadership. Do What Matters is available on Amazon and freetoshine.org/dowhatmatters